I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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