dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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