I'm eating all of the evidence.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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