What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
