i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
