She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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