i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
