he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Your penis caused this!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
