Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
