my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize