I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
