But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
