fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize