So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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