covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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