I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
