who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
