sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
