just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
