Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
