Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The Olympian is in my bed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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