You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
