Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
