evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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