You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
