I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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