I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
