yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
