I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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