I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
