Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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