I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
