Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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