you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
