Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
