Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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