Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize