News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
