Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
