and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize