What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
