i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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