fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
