I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
