Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
