theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
