Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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