I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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