At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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