The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
