i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
