ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
