you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
