On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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