and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
