Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i love accidental penises.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
