do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
