Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
