he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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