She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
