I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
