Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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