I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
