If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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