You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
