I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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