I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just high enough for therapy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
