Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
