Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
