Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
