Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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