I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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