i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
