Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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