If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
