Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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