John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
