Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
